


is not a party without a piñata

by tmrs



Series: nice to meet you (I'm your other half) [4]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, Crack, Explicit Language, M/M, is a sex shop guys so brace yourselves to read about penis shaped stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9582092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmrs/pseuds/tmrs
Summary: Thing is, he also shouldn't have payed Mats with the money that was already his by right or be out in public with a 24 inches pink dick under his arm but well, a man got to do what he got to do to get The One, right?





	1. Wednesday

The sound of the small bell hanging on top of the door is what takes Marco’s attention from the spreadsheet he had been working on since the last customer left so his eyes can met who’s there – a young man like him, brown hair half covered by the hood of the gray hoodie he’s wearing and round cheeks slightly flushed. As soon Marco smiles as welcome he takes a big step left behind one of the shelves.

 

Even being more of a backstage kind of employee who likes the cataloging part of the job, Marco is aware that happens sometimes, having customers intimidated by the whole sex-shop ambient so he decides to give him a minute to soak the surroundings in first. Checking the bottom right of the screen to find the digital clock 01:59 PM, he clicks on the save button on top of the spreadsheet document a couple of times before going to check how the guy was going.

 

Judging by the fact he has the forehead pressed against one of the DVDs from _Dangerous Behinds Collection_ , Marco would say not good but then the guy’s eyes seem to focus the front cover image and that makes him step away from it quickly almost dropping all their copies of _Bitanic_ , hitting the back on the opposite shelf. He’s frowning while putting the stuff he dropped back in place but the expression starts changing to surprise as he realizes the long wimps, masks with diverse opening holes options and nipple clamps.

 

Marco can almost hear him thinking “ _Holy fuck, I headed straight to the BDSM section”_ and has to hold a laugh when the guy seem to remember seeing him on the counter earlier, leans in to spy between the handcuffs boxes, checking if he was still there. Marco’s about to end with his search when a loud moan echo two times making both snap the heads towards the sound that was coming from a clock on the front wall. The hands of it were a woman’s legs – one hovering the number 12 and the other the number 2.

 

“You should see at the end of the day… She goes pretty crazy,” he looks back at Marco like a deer caught in highlights. “Do you need any help?”

 

“I-, uhm…” he clears his throat. “I… It’s for my friend.”

 

“Sure! Naturally, I get it...” Marco rubs an earlobe for a second trying not to think how many times he had already heard that excuse. “Would your ‘ _friend’_ be interested in what kind of thing?”

 

“I’m not talking about my… Uhm, you know, my...”

 

“Penis?”

 

“Yeah. I’m not talking about it. I swear.” he adds firmly.

 

“That’s ok, really.”

 

“No, but I’m _really_ not, like, honestly! My older brother it’s getting married and we’re going to prank him before taking him to the real bachelor party so we need… Stuff.”

 

“You drew the short straw?” he nods and Marco smiles again. “Don’t worry, we have a section for this here, I’m sure you’ll find something.”

 

The customer follows him around the store still looking quite tense but also curious about everything, eyes running through the shelves full of colorful party items such as penis straws, rainbow penis rings, boob key chains, penis/boobs shaped confetti and other weird stuff in sexual organs format. Turning right they go through the dildos shelves.

 

“Can I ask what does this do?”

 

“Of course, this glows in the dark and the one next to it would be a lightsaber one...”

 

“Oh… What the hell? Ok, now this is not humanly possible to…" the guy tiptoes to reach one on the top shelf and turns the thing around not noticing the sensible bottom at the base. “Oh God.”

 

The thing starts to vibrate on his hand as flashing lights of different colors reflect on the walls and ceiling on an unpredictable rhythm, so unpredictable in fact, that neither were expecting it to basically jump of his hand falling on the ground with a thud, rolling and spinning and jumping like a dying fish out of the water. The guy hurries to pick the thing up but it turns out to be a real struggle. For the next minutes it was pretty much him chasing a freaking dildo around while Marco didn’t even knew how to help whatever was happening.

 

“Shit, shit, shi-Got it! It’s okay, I got it.” he turns it off and sighs, reaching out to put it back on the upper shelf. “I-I’m so-”

 

“Everything’s ok here?”

 

Then it happens too quick. One second Marco’s about the tell him not to worry, the other one his curly haired coworker appears from the storage room holding an empty doll while wearing an inflatable penis on a strap around his waist and the in the next second the guy’s unconscious on the ground with a vibrating dildo rolling away down the aisle.

 

One hour and half before not much had changed.

 

“If he’s not awaken by now I think we should declare him dead,” Mats concludes. “Poor guy... Rest in Penis.”

 

“Can you stop joking around and do something useful? Grab the butt pillow for me.”

 

“Your first sale in weeks and here we’re… I can’t wait to see Auba’s face when you have to tell him you knocked a potential customer out on his sex-shop.”

 

“That’s _your_ fault,” Marco gently holds the back of the customer neck slightly up and put it back down on the fluffy surface. “You’re the one on replacement duty today if you hadn’t put that fire hydrant demoniac dick on the top shelf he wouldn’t be like this now! And why the fuck that thing turned on?”

 

“You saw it didn’t had batteries on, maybe it’s short circuit or some shit like that, I don’t know! I’m good with _selling_ things and this just proves my point that I should be permanently on the sales because I’m naturally good at it _and_ attractive while you only can organize dildos by colors and weight like no one else.”

 

“Why don’t you go shov-Hey,” Marco sees the guy’s finally opening the eyes and breathes in relieved. “You’re back!”

 

“What the hell happened? The last thing I remember was a guy with curly hair wearing an inflatable thingy on a strap around the waist…”

 

“That one would be me,” Mats waves from the place he’s standing with a now fully inflated blond doll. “Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Mats.”

 

“Mario.”

 

“I know I can cause one hell of a first impression but hey, you’re the first one to faint after seeing me shaking it.” he wriggle the eyebrows with a cheeky smile. “Nah, just joking. You actually got hit on the head by a possessed dildo and it knocked you out of hours... It reminds me of this time Bo-”

 

The bells ring again and Marco picks up the closest pillow to throw at him.

 

“Go do your job Mats, he doesn’t want to know about your sex doll ok?”

 

“Killjoy. Whatever, it’s my time to shine… Don’t forget to show him one of this.” Mats wiggles making the inflatable penis on his waist jump and laughs before leaving to greet the new customer.

 

Marco sighs and takes the lips shaped ice pack from the top of Mario’s head to put on his own for a moment, looking at him with a sad face. “You’re not going to buy anything anymore will you?”

 

“Well,” Mario brings the fingers to the head to feel a bump there and the cheeks go on a deep shade of pink for the embarrassment with the realization it really happened. “As long I get a discount I guess it’s alright…”

 

Marco face lights up when he smiles shyly, puts the ice pack away to help Mario sits up on the love seat he has been laying on. “That one is part of a party game, the Dueling Dicks Set. It’s like sword fighting basically, they are attached to the strap with Velcro and if yours fall out, you lose”

 

“That’s…”

 

“Weird, I know.”

 

They leave the staff area and go back to walking the aisles once again, heading to the party section as Mario grabs a some Penis Gummies from the package Marco had given him for free, eating it distracted until another toy catch his attention, his eyebrows frowns in confusion. Marco stops by his side watching him going through the small letters, clearly not believing what he just read.

 

“Does this thingy…”

 

“It ejaculates.”

 

“But _HOW_?” Mario’s warm hazel eyes get wide and Marco chuckles, opening one to handle him and putting the box away to explain how it worked.

 

“It’s like a pipette basically, at the base here and here there’s two pressure points, do you feel it?” giving the look on his face Mario’s trying hard not to think how weird it is standing that close while their hands are on a fake penis but pokes the points he mentioned anyway, blushing again. “So you put the head into a bowl with a liquid of your liking and fill it. When you feel like it’s time to let go, softly squeeze it and voilà.”

 

“People do this?”

 

“You have no idea…” Marco realizes he’s still kind of holding Mario's hand as he giggles and pull them away, run the fingers through the hair asking himself what’s up with his stomach and that tickling sensation. “Uhm, a lot of things can be used like sour cream, sex oral gel or fake semen...”

 

Mario eyes go wide with surprise and his mouth hung slightly open.

 

“It’s a creative industry. Very, _very_ creative.”

 

Marco puts the Derek Ejaculating Penis back on it’s box while Mario wonders off further into the aisle still looking quite shocked, taking the Gummies out of the jacket hole to go back eating. Takes a while to fit it back inside the package because the fake veins had to be exactly on place for it to pop close, the feeling of being watched makes him turn the face to the left on the exact moment Mario avert the eyes away from him, quickly picking up the first thing on his eyes level.

 

“Now that’s a weird shaped uhm...” moving closer again so they can continue, Marco sees him checking the small lines of the product again and the images. “Oh… uhm, that’s not an actual erm...”

 

The laugh escaping Marco is so wholehearted that infects Mario too despite the fact he put the thing away to use both hands to hide the face behind the palms. “It’s a thingy for the butt, I know that...”

 

“Yeah, it’s a thingy for the butt.”

 

“... Keep in mind I’ve a head injury so take it easy on me.”

 

“Yeah, sorry I laughed so hard, you’re just really cut-Uhm.”

 

He’s not sure if the other listened but Mario looks away to avoid his eyes, crooks the head and frowns while pointing to a transparent dildo. “Is this _glass_?”

 

“Yep, the brand is pretty popular, it usually has good reviews.”

 

“But why would you have _this_ made of glass?”

 

“Temperature play most of the time, this one is made of borosilicate glass so you can put these on the freeze, the soda-lime glass ones should be good to use after a few minutes on the cold water. It sells a lot during summer.”

 

“You’re good at it aren’t you? Wow. You’re like a... Thingy Master or something.”

 

“You learn a little bit with time.” Marco shrugs, put the hands on the pockets with a silly fuzzy feeling for having his odd talent appreciated. “I’m totally going to put this on my curriculum though.”

 

“You can do that for sure. I barely know what I come here to buy anymore, it feels like a lifetime ago but I keep getting distracted by things...”

 

“It’s okay, it’s a lot to look at really.” he nods and knocks their shoulders together. “Let’s go to get your party stuff.”

 

They finally arrive where they were supposed to be hours ago and Mario bites the bottom lip trying to stop at the fourth penis popper but end up buying what Marco tells him to be called _Tickle his Pickle Collection_ party supplies that include the dueling dicks, boobies pacifiers, straws and even penis slippers because that was too ridiculously hilarious not to buy. He’s counting the money when Marco hold his breath, eyes widen.

 

“You _need_ a Penis Piñata.”

 

“Do I?”

 

“Wait until you see it, it’s uhm, huge and yeah, wait here.” Marco disappears on the storage door and comes back looking pissed off because the piñatas were nowhere to be seen there. “We’re out of Penis Piñata. When did you said it’s the party?”

 

“Saturday at the Shesha Lounge & Bar near the Wonder Waffle, do you know the place?”

 

“I think I’ve heard of, yeah. Can you come back on Friday? I’m sure there will be some here by Friday.”

 

“Uhm, maybe I can make Saturday afternoon. You’ll be here right? I mean, I’m kind of used to making a fool of myself in front of you already so…”

 

“And let Mats scare you away?” he passes Mario a discreet bag with everything he got and the change. “Nah, I’ll be here for you.”

 

Mario mumbles a thank you and waves before closing the door leaving Marco already feeling anxious for the next time he would come around.


	2. Thursday

Marco spends his whole free day eating Penis Gummies on his couch thinking about Mario’s smile and wondering if he was really into guys or just curious, asking himself if he had any chances with him after that dildo disaster or not at all.


	3. Friday

“Is this really necessary?” Marco question is ignored by Mats.

 

“... I have no clue how but then he bends himself forward, wrists handcuffed behind the knees, standing on a small stall like this one and then he went like- Marco can you bring your face closer to my butt?”

 

“No.”

 

“Whatever, even if I managed to press my forehead against my shins I’m sure it wouldn’t be enough to reach the head of your tiny dick so-OUtch!”

 

Marco laughs satisfied after pushing the stall with the feet forcing Mats to do a quick jump so he wouldn’t fall. He still hits the elbow on the counter so Marco’s about to be kicked in the ass when Auba passes through them holding a small portable stair towards the BDSM section to change the clock’s battery.

 

“Why are you two like this? Humpf. Marco, come help me to put this in place. Mats, have you finished the handmade review of _Restrained Love_?”

 

“Yes, it’s already there boss.”

 

“Good,” Auba fix the clock on the wall and wait two seconds until the moans start echoing. “Our girl is back! Now let’s put the things on that box in place, yeah?”

 

Ten minutes later the ring of the doorbell makes Marco forget he was supposed to handle one of the jumpsuits from the new collection of leather fantasies to Auba for a moment but to his disappointment, the person standing in front of the counter was just a tall man with slightly pointed ears and freckles across the nose.

 

Mats though, doesn’t seem upset at all.

 

“There’s _anything_ I can do for you?”

 

“Can you show me where the over 7 inches are?”

 

“Over 7 inches, huh?” Mats whistles. “Go big or go home.”

 

The man giggles, waiting for Mats to lead the way. “That’s my life motto.”

 

“I _like_ your life motto.”

 

Auba exchange a look with Marco and they giggle, shaking the head as the two disappear in one of the aisles. They’re almost done with the boxes when the doorbell rings again and Mario appears from it a bit out of breath, cheeks slightly pink. Marco smiles to himself because damn, had forgotten how cute the guy was.

 

“Hi! Thought you wouldn’t make it.” Auba waves the hands to let him know he can finish filling the shelf by himself so Marco attention can be totally on Mario. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, just need to catch my breath. My supervisor was on the cafe next door so I needed to run so he wouldn’t see me… Would be weird to explain why am I spending the lunch break on a thingy-shop.”

 

“I think so,” he laughs and the other does the same, it lights up his face so much that Marco can’t help but get a bit lost on it trying to come up with words to describe the warmth of that sound. Auba fake cough while climbing down out the stairs wakes him from the daydream. “Uhm, let me get your stuff.”

 

Problem is, Marco finds at the storage room, the stuff isn’t nowhere to be found again. He looks for it on every corner of the big space and nothing which is simply disastrous for many reasons. 1) he had promised Mario that piñata, 2) Mario had made effort to be able to pick up the piñata on the only day he could before the party, 3) that piñata was his Sorry For Letting A Dildo Hit Your Head gift, his chance of making up for it and being on good terms with the cutest guy he had ever seen on that sex-shop to maybe get to see him again on the future but no. Somebody was fucking with him and not on a good way.

 

“Where is the piñata?!”

 

Four pairs of eyes look at Marco with surprise when he shows up on the reception again and he realizes that might have been said a bit too loud.

 

“Don’t look at me, I haven’t sold you piñata.” Mats shows the palms in surrender.

 

“They called half hour ago and told they had a problem with the transportation so they won’t be able to make until Monday.” Auba drums the fingers on the counter surface while rotating from side to side on the computer stall and looks at Mario. “Sorry.”

 

“Great.” Marco roll the eyes and rest the face inside the hand with the elbows on the counter. “I just wasted your time for nothing and probably ruined the party now.”

 

“We can think on something els-”

 

“So,” Mats voice cuts them because of the proximity as he goes back talking to the other guy. “You’re going to love _The Monster_ , believe me and oh, this one... Is my favorite.”

 

Marco can see Mario is frowning at the stuff the freckled guy was buying: a glass dildo, a bright pink tapered one and _The Monster_ box which Mats is now putting on a discreet bag. Both can see him dropping a card with his phone number there too and the “ _I’d love to go big at your home any day ;D”_ written bellow. Mario shakes the head, focus the eyes on Marco’s once again.

 

“Uhm…  Do you have balloons?”

 

“I think so…” Auba nods giving him the green light so Marco points the thumb to the storage room. “Do you want to follow me and check?”

 

Mats only seems to fully notice they’re still there when Mario passes in front of him to contour the counter, blocking his vision of the door where that guy had left a minute ago for a moment.  Mario waves shyly at him as Marco holds the door open for him to go through.

 

“Look who’s back for more! Nice to see you again,” he picks a the purple penis shaped sports bottle to take a sip of water before pointing to Marco.  “And you, be careful with the blowing down there huh?”

 

Marco ignores his wink and groans annoyed letting the door close behind his back. For a moment he allows himself to be angry about the situation and bites the tongue not to wish the transport guy some nasty crabs but then seeing Mario walking by his side on the place where he spent most of his work hours, looking with curious eyes at everything despite his awful selling performance while being far from Mats annoying comments Marco realizes things are going alright.

 

Their eyes meet and Mario smiles at him. He really wanted to push him against the _Emily Small Ass Male Masturbators Collection_ and kiss his entire face, taste his tongue and maybe squeeze his butt really good but erm, Mario lunch wouldn’t last forever and he owned him some balloons. Besides, he still didn’t know how Mario would feel about it.

 

“Here they’re! Penis shaped balloons.”

 

“Thanks,” Mario picks the package of his hands with a sigh.

 

“Sorry to take up so much of your time, I hope you don’t hate me.”

 

“I don’t and uhm, I still have fifteen minutes and I’m not anxious at all about going back to my mechanical engineering design papers so...”

 

“Really? Cool! Mechanical engineering design sounds complicated, what’s on those papers?”

 

“Have you ever heard about Yield criteria?”

 

“Mario, I mainly spend the day cataloging fake cocks for people to have sex with...”

 

“Right!” Mario waves him off, reaching out to touch the lips of a _Give Me A Taste_ _Flashlights_ absently. “Yield point is the material property defined as the stress at which a material begins to deform plastically… Uhm, forget it, I’ll bore you. Tell me about the backstage thingies you keep here. Anything crazy?”

 

“Actually,” Marco reaches a shelf and handles him an opened box with a fancy black smooth dildo. “I think you’ll find this interesting, it’s connected to a mp3 so it vibrates accordingly to the music you’re listening to.”

 

“No! Really?”

 

Marco nods excited about seeing his surprised expression.

 

“This line also has one with remote control for couples to play together but we’re out. Haven’t tested this one here yet, you want to help?”

 

Mario trying to hide the flushed cheeks only makes the smile on his face grow. The two sit on the floor next to each other with Marco’s cell phone at hand while the dildo lies in front of them. Mario is about to do the honors and press play on a song when Marco stops him, picks up a boob shaped cushion from the bottom shelf and balances it on top of his head.

 

“I’m not taking risks with you anymore.” they laughs while still trying to make it stand in place. “Alright, we’re go to go.”

 

The dildo does delivers what the box promises for their amusement and every time the song changes the thing vibration matches the beat which gets insane by they reach some of the dubsteps on the playlist.    

 

“Oh man, your job is way cooler than mine… What’s this?” Mario points to the box on his side and Marco puts the dildo back in his package after turning it off.

 

“Those are gel capsules for oral sex.”

 

“Never really understood those, do you put on your mouth before or…”

 

“Well, usually you put inside and then the body will break the capsule freeing the oil that’s both aromatic and lubricant. If it get in contact with your tongue you should feel the taste.”

 

“Do you feel really?”

 

Marco shrugs and leans over a confused Mario to pick one of the packages from the box. “Let’s see, I’ll go with… Tutti-frutti? Uhm, you?”

 

“God, I hope this is cherry.”

 

They put the respective oval shaped capsules on their palms and wait for it to dissolve. “When you woke up today did you thought there was any chances you would be trying oral sex gels with a weird guy who knows a bit too much about sex-toys?”

 

“You’re not weird. Besides, I don’t think you ever expected to see an idiot blacking out here because he manage to drop a fucking, uhm…”

 

“Dildo.”

 

“Yeah... On his own head. What’s this face?”

 

“You’re not an idiot…”

 

Marco peeks inside the palms to check if the capsule had already broke a little while trying to bite a smile down. Mario bumps their shoulders together playfully and raise the eyebrows as a silent way of repeating the question.

 

“You know, Auba made a 20€ bet you’re straight and have never been with a guy, that’s why you get embarrassed here. Mats bets 50€ the reason is actually because you already have been with one.”

 

For a moment Marco thinks he’ll be pissed about it but then Mario crooks the head and squint the eyes. “Where your money is at?”

 

“I like surprises.”

 

Marco smiles at the sound of his chuckles, takes the moment to lick the palm of his hands and try the gel out. It’s a pity disgusted faces aren’t attractive.

 

“Is that ba-? Ew! It taste like ass.”

 

“Well, that’s expected but kind of misses the point.”

 

“I’m dying.”

 

“Can you feel that smell too?”

 

“I think I’m going to puke.”

 

“No no no,” Marco tries to clean the tongue on the inside part of his shirt but is useless, looking around inside another box near for something that could help. “Here, have this.”

 

Mario doesn’t question is a penis shaped lollipop and Marco can’t disagree anything would be better than those gels, especially if is strawberry flavored like those candies, after picking one for himself too. On the same box there are some candles and Marco fumbles through the desk drawer to find light, using the hand to wave the vanilla aroma around.

 

“Better?”

 

“Yeah but I need to clean my hands before it’s too late.”

 

There’s a cloth from the maid costume that had been ripped during a test hanging on the desk so he uses to clean the hands before handling it to Mario.

 

“Head injury and intoxication, that’s a record. You’re a menace to be around aren’t you?”

 

Before Marco can answer and Mario can laugh the door is open and Mats head appears from the outside.

 

“Oh hello there! Candlelight, soft music, hands being wiped clean and judging by the smell…”

 

“What do you want Mats?”

 

“That lovely woman is back, where did you put the strap-ons again?”

 

“Next the furry plugs at the corner left, told you already! We also got some news _Doc Johnson Classic Veined Double Ended_ she likes so much so don’t forget to mention.”

 

“Yeah yeah stock guy, you can leave the sales to the master here.”

 

Marco roll the eyes and blows the candles before standing up, offers a hand to pull Mario to his feet too so they can leave the storage room. Auba is on the phone while typing on the computer and Mats with the client in front of a pile of thematic lingerie's.

 

“Sorry for all the mess…”

 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s all good.” Mario smiles with a relaxed body language that convinces Marco he meant that. “We’ll probably fill these up with thingy gummies.”

 

“Penis.”

 

“Yeah, thingies.” he laughs and scratches the head for a moment before pointing to the balloons. “How much these are?”

 

“Nothing, just take it as a free gift.”

 

“I don’t want to get you in trouble, are you sure?”

 

He nods and puts the package on a bag before they say their goodbyes, tries to ignore how Mats watching the scene from afar as if it was a movie, ready to make fun of how helpless he must be looking for losing the chance of risking everything by asking that guy out. Mario’s about open the door when he stops and without a word he gets close to the counter again, pull something out from the pocket and leaves it there, hurrying back to the exit under Marco’s confused stare. Then he looks down to the counter.

 

It’s a 50€ bill.

 

Marco feels like screaming of happiness or something but he’s too out of breath to do anything other than beaming at the bill like a complete fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Khalehla for coming up with Hömmels favorites toys on A very colourful Christmas interlude ! I couldn't help but mention here giving the whole story theme xD


	4. Saturday

On a second thought, he could totally end up unemployed and locked up in some prison for that but oh well, Marco’s on a mission. He’ll get that penis piñata whatever it takes, it’s a matter of honor now - also because he really wants to see Mario again now he knows he has a chance and getting that giant bright pink fluffy party item shaped as a dick to delivery it on a last minute would definitely show his worth. But if would be on a big problem if someone from the flower shop across the street decided to go outside to check the bad weather, that he was, even despite the fact he was doing nothing but hold a umbrella over Mats head. Marco had no doubts that on the first sign of trouble the other would drop the stuff he was using to pick the lock and run for his life but it’s thankful he decided to help anyway.

 

“The things I do so you can get laid…”

 

“Shut up and hurry up!”

 

“Don’t hurry-up me! Uhg. I want a full video of you two getting it on when this is all done.”

 

“Zero chances you’ll get that.”

 

“You clearly don’t know how to value a precious friendship like mine Marco.”

 

“You clearly don’t know what you’re doing with this lock.”

 

They hear a click and Mats looks at him with a smug smirk, eyebrows wiggling. “What did you said again?”

 

“Get inside quick!”

 

“That’s what he said.”

 

Mats doesn’t show resistance when Marco pushes him inside the place and turn on the lights before closing the umbrella. The branch store of Auba’s small sex-shop chain is illuminated revealing the ambient they’re already used to: dolls, dildos and some dust.

 

“Looks like we found someone that’s worse at the cleaning chores than you Mats…”

 

“Very funny, ha-ha.” the other shows him the middle finger. “Why don’t we go grab one of the piñatas so we can leave huh? I have a date.”

 

“With Emily Small Ass cousin Bob?”

 

“No, you insensitive prick! Bob is dead, have some respect ok?” Mats starts looking on the boxes near him when they get to the storage room and Marco does the same on the opposite side. “He caught fire.”

 

“Do I want to know how it happened?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Alright then… Uhm, is your date with that guy that stopped by on the sex-shop yesterday? Did he really fell for that note?”

 

“Oh he did and we had the hottest phone sex ever while he tested _The Monster_. I did recorded some audios to hear again on lonely nights without Bob.”  

 

“You’re the worst, I swear.”

 

“How can you say that when I’m breaking in with you so you can have some sex and stop being so grumpy?”

 

Marco raise the eyebrows at him while fumbling with a bunch of penis poppers inside the third box. “You’re only here because of the money.”

 

“Yeah, that’s true.”

 

They find it when they’re almost losing hope after boxes and boxes of boob cushions and new DVD releases – including a sequel of _Restrained Love_ that Mats puts inside the hole of his hoodie despite Marco attempt to convince him not to.

 

“Shut up, you’re stealing a gigantic pink cock remember?”

 

Marco can’t really argue with that so he sighs, putting things back in place to make it look like it was before the maximum possible. Thank heaven that branch was still serving much more of warehouse than an actual store so it didn’t have the camera system up and running yet or his mission would be literally impossible.

 

Mats drops the last Spinning Swing package on the box before shaking the head. “The stuff people are into these days… Are we ready to go?”

 

“Almost, where can I get a bag here?”

 

“How would I know? I’m just here to break the door but I think you should hurry up because it’s already 7:12pm.”

 

“Fuck! The party is at 7:30 on the other side of the town! But how will I- I mean, this...”

 

“Go big or go home man… Do you want that bubbly ass to yourself or not?”

 

Marco takes a deep breath thinking about it. “I have to go.”

 

“Then go! Oh, oh, hey!” Mats extends the hand with the palm turned upwards. “The money. I’ll buy flowers for my date.”

 

“Sure, here and by the way, thanks!” Marco handles him the  50€ bill and wraps the free arm around his neck, pressing a noisy kiss to his cheek. “See you on Monday!”

 

“Yeah yeah sure, now you go and get your Dildo Head in time Penis Boy.”

 

Marco doesn’t wait anymore to leave the place in a hurry despite the fact he probably should to avoid be mistaken by a criminal or something. Thing is, he also shouldn't have payed Mats with the money that was already his by right or be out in public with a 24 inches pink dick under his arm but well, a man got to do what he got to do to get The One, right? Now that’s a story you don’t expect your grandpa to tell you and if everything went according to plan Marco could be that grandpa.

 

That’s what he keeps in mind while running through the streets between a sea of people and while waiting for the train at the platform. Marco wasn’t the type of really getting embarrassed in awkward situations but he had to agree that being on a wagon holding something like that was a special occasion so his body makes a exception of it by heating his cheeks and ears. He does the best to try hide the piñata inside his jacket but the thing is that because of the size, if Marco managed to cover the head it would mean the pink balls were out close to his actual balls and if he covered the balls then the head would be coming out of the opening to poke his chin. Life was being hard on Marco that day.

 

The cell phone clock shows 7:26pm when he picks it up from the pocket to check the address on the maps app for the last time before that the train would get close to the station which means he would have to make the crazy run once again. He braces himself for a moment before the doors open and then takes off.

 

Marco can feels the legs slightly shaking arriving to the place so he allows the body to drop on the stairs, letting the forehead touches the piñata as he breathes in deeply a couple of times. Judging by the loud music, cheers and excited voices the party was already started which was good because then he wouldn’t have to sit around with that for much longer. Also he really needed a drink.

 

“Marco?”

 

He recognize the laugh before seeing his face. “Oh hey, surprise!”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Well,” he steps close to Mario doing a bad job in pretending not to check him out on the black dress shirt he was wearing, the three opened buttons showing the skin of his chest. “I-uhm, brought you something, I mean I guess you already saw it right?”

 

“Yeah, erm, is kind of difficult to miss.”

 

“Told you… But a party is not a party without a piñata. Trust me, I’m the Thingy Master so I know that.”

 

Mario laughs delighted and Marco already know it was worth it, feels a ticklish sensation on the stomach while watching him take steps forward until they’re really close.

 

“I’m glad you liked because literally running around the city with such a gnarly bright pink penis is on the top of the things I’ve ever done to get a date with a cute guy so…”

 

“I can assure you that’s the most unusual and genius bouquet I’ve ever got in my life. I don’t know how to thank you for that,” Mario’s so close that Marco bows the head slightly to press their foreheads together, rub their noses together. “Do you want to come inside? Eerm, I mean like… Uhm, inside the-the party thing, uhm...”

 

With a penis piñata under one of the arms and heart beating like a hammer on the chest, Marco cups Mario’s cheek in between giggles and attempts of clarification with the free hand, pulling him for a big shameless kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys don't want to know how my browsing history look right now, let me tell you that lol  
> Go ahead and tell me what's your favorite part of this non sense crack! x


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